My journey began in a small town faced with challenges and adversity. I faced many forms of abuse by individuals that only brought pain, at the time, only leaving scars rather than smiles. Despite what happened to me as a child, my life has transformed in the most extraordinary way through the years. I possessed two remarkable gifts: an innate passion for dance and a deep connection to spiritual practices.​
My Story
Transforming Pain into Purpose: My Path to Healing
My narrative is a blend of triumphs and trials. To begin, I want to convey my profound appreciation for my mother. Often, when we observe people from a distance, we hastily form judgments without understanding their unique journeys and the obstacles they confront. My mother embodies incredible strength and resilience, significantly influencing the person I've become. Mom, I'm deeply grateful for your sacrifices, your unwavering determination to overcome adversity, and for teaching me the essence of forgiveness and endurance in the face of some of life's most daunting challenges.
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Throughout my childhood, until the age of 12, I experienced sexual abuse, being used for child pornography, Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA), and date rape at the age of 18. Those whom our family relied on and expected to provide support ended up bringing SRA abuse into our lives. This abuse involves physical, mental, sexual, and spiritual abuse.
Healing from spiritual abuse has proven to be an exceptionally arduous journey. Our inherent connection to a higher power is an intrinsic aspect of our identity from birth. When someone attempts to forcibly sever that connection and manipulate it for their own ends, it generates profound internal turmoil. It leaves you grappling with the blurred lines between reality and illusion, fostering feelings of existential uncertainty and a pervasive sense of not fitting into the world or knowing where you truly belong.
It wasn't until I entered my early 30s while contending with the responsibilities of raising four children and in an unhappy marriage that I became acutely aware of the grip my past had on my present choices. The catalyst for this realization was my reading of Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth," which started my journey of self-discovery and a search for inner peace. Over the next decade, my path led me to confront some of the darkest places I could have imagined. I battled through body memories, resurfaced trauma, suicidal tendencies, and healing old belief patterns that had been driving me toward painful decisions.
The path to rewire my belief patterns has been a lengthy one, but it stands as the most rewarding choice I've ever made. Prior to embarking on this journey, the very notion of experiencing joy or staying grounded in my own body was foreign to me. The adversities I encountered led me to develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), forcing me into a perpetual state of dissociation as a survival mechanism.
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Today, thanks to the guidance of Gabby Bernstein’s teaching, I wake up each morning with a deliberate focus on embracing joy. I now keenly observe the small miracles that grace my life daily, and I have cultivated a profound connection with myself that I never believed possible. I can affirm that when we relinquish control and entrust our struggles to a higher power, regardless of the challenges we’ve encountered, healing becomes possible.
In my path to healing, I embraced a combination of therapies and practices, including Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy (DNMS), Somatic Experiencing, Dance, and Spiritual disciplines like meditation and breathwork. These modalities helped me move the blocks inside of me and rewire old belief patterns, guiding me away from my pain and toward a place of joy.
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Each of our individual journeys is uniquely our own. Our life experiences shape our uniqueness, and we carry something valuable to contribute to the world. Mutual support is fundamental; we are here to assist and uplift one another. It has been a gradual process for me to embrace fully and genuinely believe in myself, recognizing my inherent sense of belonging and purpose. I hold deep affection for all the wonderful souls who have crossed paths with me, even if only for a brief moment. Our encounters are not coincidences; they carry a sense of divine purpose.
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I eagerly anticipate the opportunity to connect with each and every one of you and play a role in witnessing your forward strides along your personal healing journey.
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Your Friend,
Shalay
